Today is my dad’s 80th birthday. As he is in the UK and his children and grandchildren are scattered around the world – and it is 2021 so we can’t travel – it has been challenging figuring out how to celebrate with him.
One of the ideas my sister came up with was for us to create a list of collective memories of our interactions with him over the years.
As I started to sift through my own memories, I realized many of them related to him teaching me something. And I also realized that I had loved his way of teaching, and without being aware of it, had incorporated it into my own teaching style.
And I thought, it would be fitting, today, in honor of him, to share what I learned from him.
Let your children help you
We all know how much it slows one down to have a “helper”! But this is an excellent way to teach. I remember going with my dad into the darkroom he created, to help him develop his photographs. I also remember helpfully wanting to put the light on when he couldn’t find something in the dark!
And I remember my brothers helping him as he did woodwork in the garage. And then my one brother, as he got older, making things himself.
Letting your children work side-by-side with you is basically an apprenticeship! Showing kids what to do and then letting them do it, is an great way to teach.
Even today, this is how I train my virtual assistants. Instead of sending them videos of tasks I want performed, I get on Zoom and work with them watching, and then let them do it with me watching.
Challenge your children
I think my dad sometimes forgot our ages – and that was a good thing! When we were traveling overseas on vacations, he would assign us each a role: budgeting, trip schedule, navigation, taking the movie, etc.
It never occurred to me that this didn’t happen in other homes. Or that most people would consider that planning the trip itinerary for a vacation in Europe was not a job for a 12-year-old. (And remember – there was no internet then! I had to write letters to embassies to find out what they recommended, as well as use books from the library)
We rose to the challenge every time – even though our execution of the task wasn’t always quite what he hoped for. I do remember he had a business meeting while the rest of us took a boat trip around Manhattan Island, so only realized I was on the wrong side of the boat – and none of the footage showed the famous New York skyline – when he started editing the footage!
I discovered that expecting both my own children and also the students in my classes to be able to do more than people usually expect of children, has shown them what they can achieve,
Don’t expect them not to fail, and be ready to provide encouragement and help when they do – but please, do challenge them! My dad had confidence in our abilities, and that was a tremendous gift he gave us.
Be prepared to repeat yourself
I remember, every time I had a science test that covered electricity and magnetism, I would go to my dad and ask him to explain some of the concepts again. He would look at me and say “But I explained that last time”, and I would tell him that I needed it explained again. (The irony is that I am now the coach for the Circuits event for our Science Olympiad team – and still haven’t mastered the topic!)
But he did explain it again. And I have remembered that every time a student can’t understand an assignment (even if hundreds of other students have not had an issue with it). It isn’t so much a patience thing (neither he nor has that virtue!) – it’s more the realization that if someone struggles with a concept, they will need it retaught a few times!
Teach by asking questions
One of my favorite memories is traveling in a camper with my family all over Europe when I was 12. I remember my dad pointing out a glacier and asking if we knew what it was. And then he asked us a lot of questions about it – trying to get us to think scientifically. I was usually wrong, but I loved trying to get the correct answer.
He did that constantly as we drove around. He didn’t lecture us, but rather through a series of questions, engaged us, and helped us figure it out for ourselves.
Any students who have been in my co-op classes will know this is how I love to teach! I ask lots of questions. I sometimes offer prizes for the student (or team if they are working in groups) that gets closest to the correct answer. This style involves students in learning – and they are far more likely to remember what they learn.
Apply learning to real life
I have already given some examples of this. The help we had to provide in our overseas vacations required us to use research skills, understand foreign exchange, do math etc.
My dad also taught us personal finance by giving us an allowance when we turned 12. This really was an allowance – not “pocket money”. We had to purchase our own clothing, make-up, gifts etc – as well as pay for entertainment. My parents did cover all costs related to school and the sports we played.
I remember being so excited to get what I thought was a huge amount of money – only to realize how it didn’t actually go very far! But it taught me to budget, to look for sales, and to differentiate between wants and needs. It also encouraged us to find ways to make extra money. I learned a lot about accounting as a result as I earned money helping my parents do the accounting for their side business. And my youngest brother started a vegetable garden and made money selling the produce to friends and family.
This was such a successful way of teaching, that we used it with our own children and I would highly recommend all families consider the idea of an allowance for their teens.
I also use a version of this idea in many of my classes – we do stock market simulations in Economics and Personal Finance, and I use simulations as much as possible as I know from experience that participating in learning in this way is very very effective.
As I talked over with my husband what I planned to write in this post, I realized how much my dad had taught me about teaching, by modeling it himself. And the reason that I have copied so much of his style is because of how successful it was in my own learning. To this day, I am confident that I can do things I have never tried before and that has kept me learning and growing!
I hope my own children will think I did a good job of using the lessons my dad taught me – to teach them well. And I hope the hundreds of students I have taught over the years, and hopefully will teach in years to come, will also benefit from the teaching style my dad passed on to me.
Happy Birthday, dad!
Meryl van der Merwe
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